I am writing to you in official complaint. Over the past few weeks your determined and obsessional desire to think almost constantly of 'G', and, what you would like me to think are concerns about himself and my own self, has become irrationally offensive and unmentionably infuriating.
My grass is not going to water itself, and life is certainly not going to drop its best goods in my lap, while you have me sitting, pouring continuously over the past. It is old, and tired, and ragged, and when you turn my thoughts inimitably towards this topic, I can even now sense the dust layering thickly over its useless top.
I am writing to express my unhappiness with the services you are currently rendering. The impulsive need to repeatedly rethink conversations, moments, days, nights, trips and stays is unhealthy and unnecessary. Also your irrepresable desire to tell me how the last time I was peeling the potatoes I was with him, is less than progressive for my future happiness. It is also irrational and rather pathetically now little more than habit, as the pang of loneliness and regret that in the past swelled from this hapless activity is no longer with us.
I wish to inform you that I have moved on, and as my brain it is time you moved on too. I can now strongly recall the person that I once was and mysteriously gave up for no particular reason. It is time she was allowed back. I demand you invite her over for tea immediately as her company would be most welcome; indefinitely.
I will also expect to hear many proposals from you creatively, as in this department you have been unforgivably lax since last June. This will not stand, particularly upon the return of Who-I-Really-Am, as she has always been in regular need of creative sustenance. I expect your work to have improved greatly after your long, and unauthorised sojourn.
To summarise, life will not fall into my lap, so there is no need for obsessive reading of horoscopes to see what is going to happen - I will make what I want happen, with your dutiful aid. I no longer require pangs, fixations, memories or hopes of that time, or the return of that time, as we have already mutually decided in previous correspondence that it is not what we are looking for. Men and relationships, while an important part of life, are certainly not the glue that holds it together. This in particular should be remembered (although the seeking of male company in a general and friendly fashion shall be both allowed and indeed encouraged). Creativity is required on a regular basis in the place of petty self-indulgence.
I hope that this letter has properly expressed where we now stand with each other, and I expect services to resume as normal in the morning. While I am most displeased with your behaviour and work ethic over the past six months, as well as your blatant disregard for the safety of my personality, I am willing to overlook this deviation due to the length of time we have been working harmoniously together, and the strong bond we have built. You should entertain no fear of lobotomy or other such unpleasant, legal proceedings, on the condition that service returns as normal.
I am pleased that we have been able to resolve this issue amicably, and look forward to the resumption of regularity.
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